


All right

by Hystoria



Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout 4
Genre: Anxiety, F/M, Spoilers, Spoilers - quest 'Reunions'
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-29
Updated: 2016-04-29
Packaged: 2018-06-05 04:35:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6689341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hystoria/pseuds/Hystoria
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She smiled a little and told herself everything was going to be all right.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All right

**Author's Note:**

> **Warning:** this is not a fic about recovering. Anxiety is part of the character and she shows unhealthy ways of dealing with it. If it triggers you, please don't read.  
>  This is my first english fanfic, so if you see any grammatical error, please let me know.
> 
> Thanks, [Malale](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Malale), for help me with this.

The military psychologist warned her about triggers.

"It can be anything", she said. "Even the little things can trigger your anxiety. Specially the little things could do that. Don't push yourself too much".

 _Don't push yourself_.

She hated her psychologist. The good thing about the end of the world was that she would never go to one again. Everyone seemed pretty crazy already. She fitted here.

But the psychologist was right.

She was sneaking through a house, she wasn't sure if she heard footsteps. Then it came the smell, like flowers. Purple flowers, she didn't remember the name. The room around her disappeared. Mary was filling papers at the embassy. She was going to left the job as intelligence agent and start a new life with Nate. Far from the war, where he could buy a new and shinning car and where she would open a lawyer firm. Where they could start a family.

She smelled the purple flowers, and then the terrorist blow up.

"Are you all right?", asked a voice. Her breath failed, she bended over herself and almost throw up. A hand on her back.

"Eh! What's happening?"

MacCready, she remembered. She wasn't at the embassy. Her new life was destroyed and Nate was dead.

"I'm all right", she said.

"Sure thing", he said.

 

Her breaking down was more easy step by step. She thought about it every day, every minute. The missions were more complicated and she didn't found strength to follow Kellogg. She remembered her son. She couldn't hold him back them. The numb on her bones came back, like before the Vault.

She told herself enough.

 

The sun was warm and the edge at her feet small. She sat at the bridge's border, letting the calm fell over her. Footsteps. Dogmeat, at her side, rose up his head and barked happily.

"Hey, boy", MacCready said, hands on his pockets. "Here you go".

A piece of meat and Dogmeat was happy. MacCready sat down at her other side.

"Can I ask you a question? A personal one". MacCready's voice was hesitant.

"I guess", she said. But she knew.

"How do you get these scars?", he asked. "Kind of typical question. I suppose a lot of people already asked you about it".

"Everybody suppose the Wasteland gave them to me", she laughed. "But no. It's ok, by the way. It was an explosion. Before the war, when I was going to left my job and starting a new life as a civilian. Someone blow up the building".

"Shi- I mean... Sorry. I shouldn't ask".

He had dirt under his nails. Mary looked at his hands at his knees. They weren't soft and she wondered if her own hands weren't it anymore. Codsworth was right: nothing cleaned the nuclear filth.

"I told you it's ok", she said. "It was... well, more than two hundred years ago".

He laughed and she smiled. It was better this way.

 

It was difficult. She started with small tasks, and every time she thought about the explosion, scolded herself. Maybe she was more risky at the missions and more bitter on her conversations, but it felt good. She realized she didn't have to be the perfect mother anymore. Even if she rescued Shaun. On the Commonwealth, her son would not only need love, he would need protection and she would fight for it even if the flames of a molotov's cocktail felt colder than it should.

 

Kellogg was dead and her son was older. She lost her baby, the time with little Shaun. Would he remember her? Would he still love her? Maybe he was happy with the Institute, maybe Kellogg was right and he was better with them than with her.

She was a terrible mother, after all.

 

"What's happening with Shaun?", MacCready asked. A cigar on his hand. Another on hers.

"Do you thought... Sometimes, I mean...", she didn't know how to put it. "Do you feel like you are a terrible father and your son is better with anyone but you?"

She thought it was a shitty question.

"Yes", he answered. The smoked in silence. She looked at his hand and fought against the urge to touch it.

"But it didn't change the fact that I'm his father", continued MacCready. "And it didn't change the fact that I love him. You are the same".

"Maybe", she said quietly. "I didn't hold him when he was a baby and now... Now he's grown up and he won't remember me and... I don't know".

"Why didn't you hold him?".

"I was... I am a terrible mother. I just couldn't".

"I don't know about it, but yeah. Sounds like you were a terrible mother". He throw his cigar. "But, again, it doesn't change the fact that you love him nor the fact you will do whatever to keep him safe".

The cigar burnt her fingers.

"Maybe you are right", she said.

 

His hands were warm.

"Thank you", he said. "I couldn't do it without it".

His son was saved and his hands were warm. Her wedding ring was heavy.

 

She said it, and he asked about his husband.

Mary will always love Nate, but he was dead. She felt like closing a chapter of her life. What a silly feeling, she thought. MacCready understood. He felt the same about Lucy. He smiled at her and she didn't fight against the urge to hold his hands. They were rough and dirty and all skinny bones but also strong and warm. She smiled a little and told herself everything was going to be all right.

**Author's Note:**

> Idk, I will probably delete this later.


End file.
